


This is my husband, Arlin

by miraculousmultifan



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, Married Couple, Merlin is a dumbass who doesn't use his magic when it would help him, That turns into a real relationship, arthur is a horny bastard, they really use every excuse to be touchy huh, theyre so overly affectionate that its sickening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24271849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraculousmultifan/pseuds/miraculousmultifan
Summary: “Halt! You, there. Have you seen Prince Arthur?” A group of bandits stepped out from behind the trees, surrounding Merlin. Merlin looked up from where he had been bent over and stopped, regarding each of the bandits carefully.“Me?” Merlin asked, stalling for more time to review his options. He had no idea what these men wanted with Arthur, but it couldn’t be pleasant. Maybe he could pretend he didn’t know who Arthur was? No, that would never work. What if...“Yes, you! Who else would we be talking to? I won’t ask again, have you seen Prince Arthur?” The assumed leader of the bandits scowled and stalked closer slowly.“No! I’m out on a camping trip with…” Think, Merlin, think. “My husband.” Perfect!***Merlin and Arthur go out hunting until bandits show up looking for the prince. Merlin does some quick, albeit a bit bold, thinking to try to get them out of the situation.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 57
Kudos: 772





	1. Chapter 1

“Arthur, don’t you think we should at least bring a couple of the knights with us. You never know what could happen on a hunt,” Merlin said with a shrug. 

Arthur dismissed him with a wave of his hand and kept walking. He had given Merlin the task of carrying all their camping supplies as well as the weapons that Arthur would inevitably use to get them dinner. “We’ll be _fine_ , Merlin. Don’t be such a spoilsport.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and hiked the bag higher up his shoulder. Ungrateful prat. “We’ve been walking for a while… Maybe we should set up camp before it gets too dark?”

Slowly, with a smile plastered on his face, Arthur turned back to Merlin. “Of course, _Mer_ lin. That sounds like a wonderful idea. I will take the crossbow and hunt for our dinner, and _you_ will set up our camp and wait for me. Maybe this time, I’ll actually be able to kill something!” He made a shooing motion at Merlin, gesturing to a clearing partially hidden in the trees. “Go on. Off with you.”

Merlin sighed. That was not exactly what he wanted to happen but at least he doesn’t have to follow after Arthur like a puppy anymore. He walked towards the clearing, grumbling loud enough for Arthur to hear it. It was all for show, of course. Arthur could never know that Merlin preferred this outcome.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take Merlin as long as he thought it would to fully set up their camp. He figured Arthur would probably be gone for a while, so napping seemed like a viable waiting option. Of course, it couldn’t last long.

Merlin woke up, spluttering, wiping cold water from his eyes. “What was that for?!”

“Sleeping on the job, _Mer_ lin!” Arthur replied smugly. “Who knows what could have happened with you just napping away peacefully? Maybe some bandits steal all our supplies? Ever think about that, you idiot?”

Merlin groaned and picked his head up to look around. “Well, it looks like everything’s here, so no harm done, right?” He looked up at Arthur and put on his most charming smile. Arthur raised an unimpressed eyebrow. It was intimidating, though not as powerful as Gaius’s.

“You got lucky. And as payment,” Arthur paused dramatically to drop his waterskin on Merlin’s face, “you can get me more water when you collect the firewood.”

Merlin thumped his head back against the ground. Perfect. Usually, when they go on these hunting trips, Arthur treats him more like a friend than a servant. He lets himself be vulnerable. It certainly didn’t look that way this time. Someone must have pissed in Arthur’s oatmeal, and it certainly wasn’t Merlin.

There wasn’t much use in arguing, especially when Arthur was acting like a toddler having a tantrum, so Merlin picked up the waterskin from the ground and trudged into the forest. Once he got a considerable ways away, he started looking around for suitable logs for the fire, complaining to himself.

“Halt! You, there. Have you seen Prince Arthur?” A group of bandits stepped out from behind the trees, surrounding Merlin. Merlin looked up from where he had been bent over and stopped, regarding each of the bandits carefully.

“Me?” Merlin asked, stalling for more time to review his options. He had no idea what these men wanted with Arthur, but it couldn’t be pleasant. Maybe he could pretend he didn’t know who Arthur was? No, that would never work. What if...

“Yes, you! Who else would we be talking to? I won’t ask again, have you seen Prince Arthur?” The assumed leader of the bandits scowled and stalked closer slowly.

“No! I’m out on a camping trip with…” Think, Merlin, think. “My husband.” Perfect! They’ll be on their way soon enough.

“Maybe your husband has seen him. Will you take us to him?” Damn it. He was definitely not asking.

“Could you walk several paces behind me? He gets jumpy with new people. I’d like to explain what you want before you confront him.” Arthur had better deal with it. They’re married whether he likes it or not.

“Fine. Lead us.”

Merlin walked briskly towards where they had made camp, checking over his shoulder every now and again to check the distance. Once he was close enough to the camp, he noticed Arthur striding towards him.

“Merlin, where have you been? It does not take that long to collect firewood. You really are incompetent, aren’t you?” Arthur frowned.

Merlin snuck another look behind him before running up close to Arthur and dropping the firewood to the side.

“Arthur, do you trust me?” Merlin whispered, looking into Arthur’s eyes. They shifted quickly to concern before Arthur covered it up with a steely gaze.

“Of course I do,” Arthur said softly, searching Merlin’s eyes for anything that would tell him what was going on. Merlin made his decision.

Before he could blink, Merlin gingerly took Arthur’s face in his hands and pulled him into a sweet kiss. Arthur froze for a moment, shocked, and then relaxed. He placed his hand on Merlin’s hip and pressed him closer, eyes falling shut. Merlin hummed, wrapping a hand around the back of Arthur’s neck, pulling them impossibly closer. Arthur let his other hand trail down Merlin’s back to grab his ass. Merlin moaned into Arthur’s mouth and clutched his shoulder, almost forgetting what brought them to this moment.

“So this is your husband, then?”

Almost.

Merlin pulled his head back and looked over to where the bandits had emerged into the clearing. He couldn’t bring himself to move any further away from Arthur, so he didn’t, leaving one hand holding Arthur’s neck and the other lying on his chest.

“Right, yes, sorry. This is my husband, Arlin,” Merlin said, smiling a bit shakily. Arthur looked up to see who Merlin was addressing and tensed. Merlin rubbed his neck soothingly, then explained. “Arlin, these lovely men stopped me while I was collecting our firewood to ask if I had seen Prince Arthur. I told them I hadn’t but they insisted they ask you too.” Merlin attempted a smile at Arthur, but his brows were too furrowed.

Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s waist and, with some effort, tore his eyes away from Merlin to say, “I’m sorry, I haven’t seen him.” Merlin relaxed in his arms and leaned further against his chest. Turning his head back to the bandits, Merlin smiled at them, hoping that would be the end of it, and he and Arthur could get back to their long-awaited kissing.

“Perhaps your husband hasn’t _seen_ the prince… because he _is_ the prince.” The leader of the bandits said, switching his scowl between Arthur and Merlin.

Merlin threw his head back and laughed, startling everyone, including himself. “I’m sorry, it’s just… You think I could land someone like the prince? He is _way_ out of my league. No offense, Arlin, honey. You’re beautiful too.” Merlin laughed again. “Honestly. Me! And the prince?! Yeah, I don’t think so.”

Arthur hid a snort in Merlin’s hair and murmured into his ear, “Really laying it on thick, aren’t you, _Mer_ lin?” Merlin yelped when Arthur punctuated his comment with a slap to Merlin’s ass.

He turned to the bandits, stroking his thumb delicately along Merlin’s stomach, and said, “Yeah, you know, it’s funny actually. I do get that a lot. It must be the hair.”

The leader narrowed his eyes. “How are we to know you aren’t lying to us? You are much too healthy and well-fed to be peasants.”

Arthur turned to look at Merlin and then back to bandits. “I’m a knight of Camelot. I serve under Prince Arthur, but I am not him.”

The bandits didn’t seem convinced. “Why are you out here with your husband instead of protecting Camelot?”

Merlin giggles and Arthur goes red, clutching Merlin’s waist tighter. “That was all me! You see, today is our wedding anniversary. It took a bit of convincing, but I went to the prince and pleaded with him to let my dear Arlin take the day off. Arlin planned this trip to the woods all by himself. Isn’t he romantic?” Merlin sighed, looking at Arthur gently. Arthur shot him a glare to which Merlin just winked.

“I am not romantic! I just thought I’d do something thoughtful for once. You could learn a thing or two from me. I’m still waiting on those flowers, by the way.”

“Again with the flowers? That was one time. I would get you a whole field of flowers if you really wanted me to,” Merlin teased, stroking Arthur’s cheek.

Arthur smiled, leaning into Merlin’s hand, his eyes fond. “I know you would. I would do anything for you too, you know.” His meaning was clear. Arthur was not pretending. Merlin blushed and leaned in to capture Arthur’s lips into another kiss. Arthur smiled into the kiss, pulling Merlin close to him.

The bandits looked anywhere other than at the two men, feeling very uncomfortable all of a sudden. One of the bandits turned to their companion to say, “A prince would never be this sickeningly affectionate. I’m convinced.”

Merlin moved to kiss the underside of Arthur’s jaw while Arthur let out a low moan. Pulling away, Arthur turned to the bandits.

“As lovely as it was talking to you gentlemen, I’m sure you have more pressing matters to attend to. If you don’t mind, I would like to spend my anniversary making out with my husband, among… other things.” Arthur grinned, shooting the bandit closest to him a smarmy wink from which they visibly recoil. “Why don’t you go on your merry way. I hope you find Prince Arthur.”

Merlin grinned at them and threw a little wave before Arthur brought him back into another searing kiss.

By the time they pulled away from each other, the sun was already beginning to set, and the bandits were long gone. Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin’s and looked him in the eyes.

“So… Out of your league, huh?” Arthur smirked, kneading Merlin's ass.

Merlin laughed and smacked Arthur’s shoulder, turning a lovely shade of red. “You prat! You’re insufferable.”

Arthur’s gaze softened. “Yeah, but you love me.”

Merlin beamed back at him. “I really do.” He paused, feeling up Arthur’s chest. “So, what were those ‘other things’ you mentioned earlier, _sire_.”

Arthur’s eyes darkened and he pushed a smug Merlin into their tent. He really knew how to push all the right buttons.


	2. art!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my lovely friend roi drew some fanart for this fic as well as my most recent one! the full thing is on their tumblr, so make sure to check it out!
> 
> 18159_ on instagram, 18159 on tumblr! <3

check out the full thing at [https://18159.tumblr.com/](https://18159.tumblr.com/post/624456621912997888/someone-close-to-me-whos-extremely-talented-has)

**Author's Note:**

> So, in conclusion: Arthur is a horny bastard with an obsession with Merlin's ass, Merlin never uses his magic when it could really benefit him, and bandits are the best wingmen there are.
> 
> If you liked this fic, leave a comment! I love hearing what you think. Merlin and Arthur are my favorite dumbasses, so it's wonderful to know that everyone loves hearing about them being absolute idiots in love too.


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